It's been a while

Well it's been a year since I last posted on this blog and my how time has flown. So much has changed. 2012 was most certainly the year for change and the year that I decided to start paying myself some attention. I wanted to give myself a break from blogging but I never thought i'd stay away for this long. I was going to start blogging again in the new year but I felt like I wanted to write. Reflect on the year that was and share some of my stories but I really don't know where to start. My boys have grown up so much this last year and I can honestly say that i'm a different person, a changed person. My new years resolution last year was to change my life. Sounds very broad but I really have changed my life. Not only am I now a healthier and happier person but I can truly say I never want to go back to the person I used to be. My attitude towards life has changed completely. Not just have I changed physically but I feel like i've truly found myself this year. I've done a lot of soul searching and reflecting on my 32 years on this earth and re-evaluated everything. But the best part is I have realised that you need to embrace change and never stop changing and re-evaluating your life. It's so easy to get caught in the rut of life and all that it entails. So easily we become stagnant and take things for granted. The last two years of pain, heartache and confusion has been worth every bit of the blood, sweat and tears so that I can finally feel gratitude. I am grateful for my life. Grateful for my gorgeous boys, grateful for my amazing family and beautiful friends. Grateful for the things I have, even though they are merely that, things. I am grateful for my health and to be pain free. I am grateful to wake up every morning and have all that I could want in life and be satisfied with the small things. Because in the big scheme of things it's the small things that count most. Cooper is 6 1/2 now and just finished year 1. I can't believe my first born is going in to year 2 next year. Surely i'm not old enough to have a grade 2'er. He's had the most amazing year of school. He did so well with all his reports and had the lovliest teacher i've ever come across. We love Miss Hall and she certainly has a soft spot for my gorgeous boy. My big boy is turning in to such a delight. He's so kind and loving and so enthusiastic for life. He's the best big brother and most adorable little friend. I'm so proud of him.

Blake turned 4 in September and is going in to pre-prep next year. How did that happen? My crazy, loud, adventurous and beautiful little baby is 4. He still drives me crazy every day but my gosh does he bring me so much joy. He's the most loving and sweetest little man. He's the first one to tell me I look beautiful or notice if i've had my hair coloured or had a manicure. He's full of compliments. Then five minutes later he's stirring up his big brother and driving me batty. He's loving kindy and is well and truly ready for pre-prep next year.

As for me, well i've spent the year getting fit and healthy and changing my entire lifestyle. In February I joined a gym after being so sick and tired of still being in pain after my back surgery and I hated what was looking back at me in the mirror. I knew my weight was holding me back in life and I was so insecure about how I looked. Let alone how it made me feel. I put on about 12kg after having kids and struggled to ever get it back off. I'd lose weight and then slowly go back to old habits and use food and drink as my means to cope with stress and put it all back on again over time. I've yo-yo dieted for years and i've never stuck to any one thing long enough. The difference this year is I made major lifestyle changes. I started clean eating in February, got rid of alcohol almost completely and became quite the gym junky. I've now lost 17kg since February and i'm the lightest i've been in years. I feel so happy inside and out. It's changed the kind of mother I am and the way I look at life is changed forever because i'm finally the happy and positive person I used to be, as apposed to putting it on for the rest of the world. My new lifestyle has forced me to look at my friendships and who I surround myself with. Unfortunately there are friends i've lost along the way but i've also made some amazing friends who support, inspire and encourage me on a daily basis. I have more patience with my kids because i'm not in pain or feeling insecure about my weight. The boys love nothing more than going bike riding with me now while I run along side them. They're definitely my biggest support. I feel so proud of how far i've come in those 10 months and even though I still have a little way to go until I get to exactly where I want to be i'm more motivated than ever. I've got goals and ideas next year of doing mini triathlons and the 10km run at the Gold Coast Marathon. There's also a few hikes I want to do and it feels great to have such a passion again for something. I was reflecting today on how far i've come and this photo reminds me as it's hard when you often focus too much on how far you want to go that you forget where you started. This before photo was taken about 4 weeks after the birth of Blake at my brothers wedding and the after pic was taken last Thursday night at a gala night we had for our gym to celebrate the end of a 12 week challenge. I think there's about a 22kg difference between these two shots. I say I think because the truth is I don't actually know how much I weigh in this photo 4 years ago because I would never have wanted to know. But I know i'm certainly a happier person inside and out now.

I cannot wait to start blogging again properly and sharing stories with everyone again. I've missed this community and i've missed a place where I can come and share my life with family and friends, vent, cry, rejoice and sometimes outright brag about my amazing boys!! I hope everyone has having a stress free lead up to Christmas.