Do you find yourself always answering - How are you? With 'fine' when in reality you're far from it? I do this all the time. We lie a lot don't we. You know what some days I am just 'fine' but lately I'm the furtherest from 'fine' you can get. A good friend asked me yesterday how I was and I answered with my standard 'fine' and obviously my face told another story and this good friend knew I was far from 'fine' and asked me again and I literally broke down there and then in the carpark and let it all out. Gosh it felt good. Embarrassing but good because for once I wasn't lying to myself. I always put on such a good front and most people wouldn't have a clue that I'm going through the most challenging time in my entire life thus far. The last twelve months have broken me down on every level possible. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically you name it I've been broken down and I feel stripped bare of all my armour and this wall that I normally put up to protect myself is no longer there. I want to scream from the top of the highest building 'someone help me' because I'm barely surviving and I don't know where to start to get back to the Beck that everyone knows and the Beck that I want to be. The mother that my children deserve.
Did you know that those who appear to be really strong..really are the most sensitive? Did you know that those who spend all their time protecting others...sometimes really need someone to protect them? Did you know that three of the hardest things to say are: I love you, I'm sorry & Help me.. ♥
Have you ever been so drained of everything and feel stripped bare?
How did you get your 'light' back?